Ted King

Want to know what happens when you are trying to do some serious blog editing (serious means more than simply entering text), minutes before you fly to France to start Paris-Nice, but the catch is that you don’t have any idea how to edit a blog in the first place?

You end up with a massive photo in the header like the one you see above. I’d also like to credit York Wilson with the photo since that’s something I omitted when uploading the photo.

Sorry that the photo is so in your face. But since cyclists are vain, maybe it’s not so bad…

@iamtedking hey ted, any chance you can do a blog on post-race recovery? Nutrition, stretching etc? Always interested to hear different ways

Sure thing ShortyHanus! To begin, I recommend checking your inner pansy at the door. You need to ensure that you really earned it and that you’re not just being a wuss by chugging back on a 400 gram protein shake because you logged a “wicked epic two hour ride yo!” If you’re going to recover, recover right.

As the saying goes, chamois time is training time. Along those lines, having a strong upper body is an often overlooked aspect of road cycling. Holding your body in place for hours on end, ferociously yanking the handlebars during a 60kph sprint, or pulling your bike off your roof rack all require the elimination of telltale cyclist noodle arms. What I’m getting at here is that when you hear someone who thinks they’re really funny and say for the seven-millionth time, “Chamois time is training time!” I hereby give you permission to test your upper body strength and punch them in the gut. That saying was funny once – when it was first uttered. Since then it just perpetuates disgustingly unnatural bacterial growth of your undercarriage. Take a shower fool!

I digress. What I’m really getting at here is that the above saying is not the applicable one. The rhythmic cycling phrase should be, Not eating time is training time. So while some people (…like all exercise physiologists, coaches, and virtually anyone who has even the slightest bit more credibility than I do) recommend coming home and immediately eating some healthy grub rich with vitamins, minerals, carbohydrates, and proteins in a particularly optimal ratio, I say continue your hunger bonk and don’t eat. Alternatively, take your mind off of how freakin’ hungry you are by participating in some or any of the following.

Staying limber is a necessity when you’re crunched into the unnatural position of riding a bicycle for dozens of hours each week and thousands of hours each year. You don’t want to end up hunched over like a turtle, so soon after I walk through the door I touch my toes three or four times. I also recommend between eight to ten sit-ups, one jumping-jack, followed closely by a nap. Additionally based on the paragraph two above this one, it goes without saying that this takes place after a shower, since cleanliness is the hippest thing since slap bracelets.

Now that you’re approximately two hours past workout phase, and you haven’t eaten anything, you’re obviously well bonked. In order to continue burning calories I think post-nap is a prime opportunity to crack open a book. Moreover, you will continue burning calories at the meteoric rate of 91 calories per hour while you merely skim your eyes over the pages of a book. It’s almost too easy!

LUNCH TIME! Worther’s Original Candies are unequivocally delicious and if you don’t immediately house an entire bag of those, I don’t know why you even train. That should be followed by cracking into a can of sardines accompanied by Triscuits Rosemary and Pepper flavor or flavorless rice crackers and then an entire pint of Ben and Jerry’s Phish Food ice cream… (or for the inside scoop – pun fully intended – go for either B&J’s Cinnamon Buns or Oatmeal Cookie Chunk. Never tried this one, but on principle I already love it. Those are two or three of iamtedking’s favorites and the term insanely good should be used in the company of these flavors).

Another nap might now be in order.

Or you can crack open that book again; at merely 1,000 calories per tub of Ben and Jerry’s, it will take you just 10-plus hours of hard reading to eliminate the ice cream you just housed! Booya.

Chances are you have a mechanic at your disposal, so this is also a good opportunity to give him your bike. Post-ride recovery isn’t just for your benefit. Nay friends, your bike needs some TLC as well. Moreover, as he lubes the chain and puts air in the tires – two tasks obviously well beyond your mechanical prowess – you can pick his brain about all the fun stories of him giving jerk-store customers a hard time back when he slaved away in the ol’ shop.

Finally, sitting down to read your favorite cycling blogs (yep, each and every one) should be the last step in your (sub-)optimal post ride recovery. See you at the races!

* I recommend not doing anything of the above.

You’re certainly entitled to say what you wish. I say Tom Zirbel is an exceptional human being. He will go on to do great things.

I don’t normally wax poetic quite to this degree, but sometimes you just have to let the words flow from your heart… or some junk like that.

Click on ME.

Here’s the full photo from that road. I think whoever painted this is referring to Hincapie as King of the road, or something along those lines, since “KING” was painted here well before I arrived to town. But I still like to think they’re cheering me on.

Here’s a first: As the King of Style’s reputation and credibility grows, more and more questions are pouring in. Is the KoS a long lost heir to Style Man? One can only hypothesize. I generally ignore these particular questions, because I have more important things to do like iron my arm warmers and starch my riding rain vest. However, this question pops up continually, so perhaps taking time to answer this might turn out to be enjoyable and lead to more Q and A for the KoS.

Or not.

This specific question from Scott is the most recent iteration of the question that seems to pop up day after day. It’s been edited by yours truly for brevity’s sake and for correct punctuation, spelling, and grammar.
“This question is about socks. Black socks: in or out?  Personally I love black socks, especially with some kits. For me they say, ‘Yeah I cycle, but it’s my J-O-B so STFU.’ Your answer will either add fuel to their hate or shut them up, because all respect goes out to the KoS.”

Alrighty my friends, let’s all huddle ’round and pay close attention because this is important crap we’re discussing here. Style is a full time job, or J-O-B, as Scott says. It’s how see yourself in mirror each day and how you conduct yourself regardless of what the public eye sees. It’s how you dress, hold yourself, speak,… and type. What I’m alluding to here is your excellent use of STFU – rule number 2. Kudos Scott. However, in terms of speech, it’s important to note that we don’t “cycle.” We ride, we train, we race, we go to the coffee shop and put out the vibe. But we certainly don’t cycle. Recumbent cyclists cycle. People who exude style, though, don’t cycle. Absorb that for a bit, then let’s move on.

Dissecting Scott’s querry, he states, “I love black socks especially with some kits.” Sure Scott, nearly anything is going to look good in certain situations, so you have to be a little more specific. For me, black socks look very most radical with most dark kits. Light kit, however, usually requires white socks. Again, I’m being vague with words like “most” and “usually” because each situation and scenario is critiqued on a case-by-case basis.

The true kicker on the black socks issue – and any issue pertaining to sock color for that matter – is that you need white shoes. White shoes should be mandatory all the time in fact, no matter what kit in which you are clad and no matter what the socks you are sporting. To therefore answer your basic question what color socks should I wear, I issue the bold statement wear white shoes. (Notice how the font is in bold; that’s how you know it’s a bold statement.)

As a follow up, Scott, black socks are mandatory in the winter. Since leg warmers should be black nearly all the time as well, black socks are a must when worn with black leg warmers. White socks bursting out of the gap between shoes and leg warmers just Fred.

Good day good sir,

KoS

I actually quite enjoy avoiding writing about dorky numbers and the like when it comes to iamtedking blogging. However yesterday was one of those days that is either worth forgetting completely, or reliving vicariously through cycling-applicable digits. Today I choose the latter.

Yesterday’s stage 2 of Volta Algarve sinuously wound up over hill and dale in southern Portugal. “Hill and dale” is something of an understatement because it felt much more like mountains than hills, and who the heck knows what a “dale” is? (I’m sure some of you do; I don’t.) Vertically, we covered just shy of 3,500m… or more precisely, “that’s a friggin’ lot.”

I thought we had 4 or 5km of neutral to start the stage so that I would have reset the computer immediately at the drop of the green flag. That would eliminate some of the trivial buzzing around the bus, sign-in, and exchanging soggy salutations with some of my colleagues before the start. But upon rolling out of the parking lot I soon noticed we were pushing 50+kph. “This is not neutral pace, guys” crossed my mind, intermingled with some other more colorful language.

Aaaanyway, that’s a long winded way of saying the distance and time are within about 3-4km and 5-10minutes of being race accurate. In any event my very awesome CycleOps Joule cycling computer conveniently summarizes the following:
Time – 6:11:12
KM – 214.67
KJ – 5736
Ave watts – 257
Temp – 9c
Norm power – 332 (that’s like racing a 6 hour crit)
Vert. meters gained – 3498

I finished front group which was satisfying after such a slog fest. But immediately after crossing the finish line, my only thoughts were of a warm shower, hot tea, and perhaps a nap.

That’s about as close to a race report you’ll get from THIS guy, so embrace it.

PEACE.

Oh how convenient! We’re just now pulling into stage 3 pre-race parking. Sun’s out with gray clouds in the distance. Come on sun! I’m rooting for you!

The proceeding was typed entirely by thumbs on my Blackberry. Word.

There are towns, correction, streets in Colorado or California that can claim more European professional cyclists than New Hampshire. While this is to be expected, 2010 marks the addition to the highest echelon of bike racing yet another Granite State resident as Kirk Carlsen has signed with the Garmin-Transitions pro team.

Kirk riding a bicycle

Admittedly, Kirk and I know of each other, but we don’t really know each other. Given that Kirk has recently moved to Girona – precisely the town where I have my European home base – I thought it would be prudent to allow Mr. Carlsen the honor of being the first iamtedking interviewee.

Unfortunately, Kirk suffered a crash earlier this week at the Tour of Qatar breaking both his collarbone and scapula. Mind you, this is an email interview. So while he finds himself with a bit of extra time on his hands in these next few days, it could be excruciatingly painful to type, therefore we at iamtedking won’t be upset if he keeps his responses in the twitter-like 140 characters or less.

I’m not one to beat around the bush, so let’s jump right into the hard-hitting questions. First off…

iamtedking: Adam Sandler is not only one of Hollywood’s most talented actors, he is also a New Hampshire resident. Early in his career Adam headlined in such masterpieces as Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore, yet more recently he has regressed to films like Click and Deuce Bigelow: European Gigolo. Do you believe Sandler can rally back from his current state of comedic mediocrity to the Adam Sandler we both know and love?

Kirk Carlsen: I used to name drop “The Adam” because, hey, he’s from New Hampshire, so that makes us practically brothers. He should call me and ask for my professional and personal advice (so if you’re reading this Adam, give me a call, long time no talk). I think I can set him straight. He has been in LA too long, he needs some good ol’ New Hampshire “Boot in the Ass” to get back on track.

(For some well deserved props, click HERE to see Kirk ripping it at the front of the Qatar TTT, where Garmin scored a respectable 3rd behind Cervelo… until Cervelo received a rather rubbish time penalty knocking them to DFL.)

iatk: The B.i.t.A. trick works every time. Well said. So Kirk, we are both cyclists from NH who made the jump to Europe. High five! No pun intended, but obviously you fell on some hard luck at your first race in the big show. Similarly, I was in the third day of racing with Cervelo when I hit the pavement and broke my arm at the 2009 Tour of California. I don’t want you to stew on it any more than you already have to, but do you know what the prognosis is from here? (p.s. My best advice, and I always tell people with this broken bone malady: drink your milk. Seriously.)

KC: At the moment, I’m in a five star Ritz Carlton and I’m in no rush to leave my plush bed and Showtime movies. I’m not sure what will happen from here, I head back to Girona and then maybe back to the US where I can recover and begin to start training again. I was going to start riding again today, but the doctors strapped me to this bed and keeps giving me shots of milk, I’m a bit drunk.

iatk: Since joining the team, how many times have you been asked, “Aaaand which one is New Hampshire again?” (For you geographic geniuses out there, you wouldn’t believe how many people don’t know New Hampshire from Vermont.)

KC: I’m lucky if the reporter can spell my last name correctly, let alone know where I’m from. For those who don’t know New Hampshire is, seriously, you know, NEW HAMPSHIRE, where real men are made? Live free or die!

iatk: I already had this question in mind before I saw that you are on the Dunkin Donuts Pages of Facebook. I don’t know what the eff “Pages” are on Facebook, but that’s not my point. Question: You a Dunkins dude or a Starbucks prettyboy?

KC: Dunks is in the same block as Starbucks in Tucson (my winter training destination). I can often be found at the Starbucks Patio at 9:30 AM setting off on the group ride. But let it be known, I roll down to Dunks prior to departure, pick up a fresh brew, stroll back to the Starbucks outdoor seating area, and sip my deliciously smooth blend in front of the Starbucks employees. They get their panties all in a twist about it, but they’re just jealous.

(Please note every element of FANTASTIC in this picture, including the Gray Wolf at left. I see at least two ‘bucks cups and two DD cups. Way to represent, Kirk.)

iatk: That’s the New England sass I like to see! Follow up: you are therefore aware that Dunkin Donut by default adds cream and sugar to your coffee, right? Because I think that’s so New England and so awesome.

KC: “Extra Extra” and I don’t mean the gum.

Battle Royale

iatk: You mentioned Tucson. I’ve definitely logged in my requisite training time in sunny Arizona. You and I have crossed paths on the open roads in Boulder too. We therefore have NH, Tucson, and Boulder in common – three very different geographical areas. What’s your all-time favorite place to train in the USofA?

KC: In a perfect world, New Hampshire is the best in the fall, Boulder in the summer, Tucson in the winter. Walpole, New Hampshire, near Keene has some of the best rides. Boulder obviously has some cool climbs, and Tucson pretty much just has Mount Lemmon.

iatk: Lemmon and Kitt Peak, my friend. With the exception of the past six months, I think in our entire racing careers you and I have exchanged maybe two dozen words total. What was your first impression of me? You are being capped at a ten-word answer.

KC: He’s from NH? He’s my brother, no need to talk.

iatk: Ten words on the nose. You win. The King of Style is my alter ego – a well-spoken, very handsome, self-proclaimed pillar of all things stylish. We at iamtedking.com maintain a very international readership, but as we in the USA all know, there’s a rule of style that you’re not supposed to wear white after Labor Day. Similarly, you’re not supposed to break out the pastel-colored clothing until either Easter or Memorial Day.

Question: have you considered training exclusively in an entirely black kit instead of team issued Garmin-Transitions’ blue and orange to live up to the KoS’s rules?

KC: Well if I had the motivation or the money to buy an all black kit, I would. I am pretty used to being called a “Poser” and being asked the question “Did you buy that kit on ebay?” If I had an all black kit, I could go total stealth mode and either rip legs off at certain moments of a group ride, or get dropped without falling into a deep depression.

iatk: Staying on topics, someone asked me this question recently and I didn’t know how to answer, but you’re a better candidate. Have you been formally introduced to Vaughter’s sideburns?

KC: Not sure exactly how to answer this question…

iatk: P.C…. smart. Moving on, obviously the argyle motif is a passing fad like the mullet or slap bracelets. Which NH clothing style stands the best chance of replacing the Garmin argyle: hunter orange, flannel, camouflage, or some sort of denim/Carhartt number?

KC: I don’t think anything looks better than a red and black flannel, how else are you supposed to represent New Hampshire? The red flannel puts out the New Hampshire vibe, especially because I can’t grow a beard in a day like my fellow comrades. So I have to make up for it with the flannel. From a cycling kit standpoint, a mixture of all of the above would be sweet, we could do some hunter orange cycling caps, a flannel top with camo arm and leg warmers (to blend in the terrain), and some Carhartt cutoff bottoms (no shammy because if you’re from New Hampshire, you have balls of steel and a taint of gold).

iatk: What aspect of the Cervelo TestTeam kit makes it the unequivocal most stylish kit in the pro peloton?

KC: I’m not sure, because usually when I pass them (at high warp speed) the kit looks like a big blur. Actually, in all fairness, after Googling the image, I do like the é lettering on the back because it is the impression of my face when I was trying to hold the wheels here in the Qatar cross winds, “EEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee”.

iatk: I did one year at the USA U-23 house in Izegem, Belgium. How many seasons did you spend there?

KC: Two seasons, and the mountainous terrain was perfect for my training.

iatk: Ahh yes, the infamously craggy Belgian mountains. What’s the first word that comes to mind when you hear the word Izegem? Mine is “Shenanigans.” And if I can follow that up, it’s “Team-America” because we watched that movie literally every day for three straight months. For clarification, it is hyphenated and therefore one word by iatk standards.

KC: “Pronunciation.” That is the first word. Seriously, is it pronounced IzeGem, or IzeHem, or what? I’m from America, I don’t have time for this technical language barrier stuff. “Shenanigans” is too much of a Vermont trademark for me to say and you should probably get Pistol Whipped!

iatk: You’re obviously well versed in at least one excellent movie (Super Troopers) and I applaud that. Let’s now delve into the personal side of Kirk Carlsen; how do you occupy your time off the bike?

KC: I usually just eat when I’m not riding, or think of ways to try not to eat, while eating. Facebooking is a pretty good way to stay occupied, and bothering my girlfriend with e-mails. Internet surfing is great, although my roommate Pete Stetina wants to break my computer in half because it’s so loud, it’s not my fault I can’t afford a laptop and just travel with a desktop everywhere I go… It fits pretty nicely in my suitcase.

iatk: Off the bike, I like to think of myself as something of a foodie. What’s the best thing you know how to cook?

KC: Does French Press coffee count? I’m pretty decent at cooking up a nice pot of coffee. I know you’re saying to yourself “Man, that looks extremely difficult to make”, but let me tell you, you’d be surprised. Don’t get discouraged though, it takes practice. Come over sometime and I can teach you.

iatk: Besides pressing French coffee, what is Kirk Carlsen’s hidden talent?

KC: At the moment, I’m getting pretty good at using my left hand/arm. Why even use the other one now? Got to lose some weight anyways, let’s just cut it off. My power to weight ratio just skyrocketed. “Got to get the baby off Top-Ramen.” I can also eat massive amounts, which no one believes, but there are no good eating contests I can enter at the end of the season to prove it.

iatk: We share a lot in common Kirk. I can eat pretty much everyone I’ve ever met under the table. See you in October, eh? Okay, favorite New Hampshire race… or New England if there’s one that trumps NH’s races?

KC: Exeter crit gets me pretty juiced. Sunapee road race is a wicked good one too. Watch out Mount Washington hill climb, I’m coming for you!

iatk: Are you edumicated… did you go to college?

KC: I went to University of Colorado and left somewhere in my junior year with a degree in Cosmo’s pizza eating and slacking off. Seriously though, I’m a junior physiology major, but there are only so many online classes your girlfriend can help you take.

iatk: I imagine your TV remote is getting the workout of its lifetime with you strapped in bed right now. So let’s jump to some rapid-fire New Hampshire trivia.

What is the NH state tree, state flower, and state bird? I will brag that I know all three thanks to Mrs. Hartford’s third grade class. (Hint: they are all two-word answers and one word in each is a color.)

KC: Maple tree, screw Vermont! NH makes maple syrup just as good, if not better. Flower? The hell if I know. Bird? Obviously the Firebird Trans Am, I mean, look how cool Billy Madison looks coming out of it on his first day of High School, that has to be the state bird.

iatk: Good Lord, Kirk, I like your style. Unfortunately from the standpoint of correctness, you went oh-for-three… although we will give you a half-point for the Firebird answer.

More trivia. And if you don’t get this right, I’m ashamed. What’s our incredibly bold state motto? (Hint: you’ve already said it once in this interview.)

KC: If you ain’t Living Free or Dying, you’re not living.

iatk: We will accept that for five points. Besides Ted King (and his alter egos), Kirk Carlsen, and Adam Sandler, can you name at least one (or more) famous person from our state? My criterion for “famous” is that folks from outside of NH should recognize the name.

KC: Me and Triple H hangout all the time when we are back there, it’s cool to catch up with him, but he’s always on a rage, so I get a bit frightened. Mandy Moore keeps trying to get me to hang out, but I just tell her to keep it in her pants. I’m pretty sure out of those three people you mentioned, no one else is much more famous.

iatk: Is Mandy Moore really from NH?! Whoa, I’ll have to get back stateside more often.

Okay, here’s the last question. I’ve been following this little snowstorm on NYTimes.com and NPR and it’s driving me absolutely bonkers. Perhaps you are aware that Washington DC is suffering from a Snowpocalypse. As a result the federal government has been closed for several days. Additionally, nearby states including parts of Maryland have closed roads and made it temporarily against the law to drive on these roads. As a snow loving New Hampshire-ite myself, I am embarrassed by our southern brethren’s inability to navigate through a bit of the white fluffy stuff. Growing up, snow was an excuse to skip school and go skiing or sledding. What are your thoughts on this entire situation?

KC: I would wake up at 5 am, two and half hours before school even started, checking the news scroll for school closures. Sometimes, if my school wasn’t closed, I’d get a big lump in my throat because I was banking on the fact that school would be closed so I didn’t do my homework. Shutting down the capital for a few inches of snow? Psh, I’d be riding my bike in it, that’s what a real man would do, would that be against the law? Shorts and jersey, no booties, hard as nails.

“Step right up! Read all about… me!”

French race food lived up to its notorious hype as I’m currently sitting in the bus with one other teammate while the final stage of Etoile Besseges has hardly begun.

I had the dubious chore of waking up five times to orally empty the contents of my digestive tract between the wee hours of 3:30am and 8:30am. Rumor has it that the current race leader succumbed to a similar fate, as did a baker’s dozen or more other riders. Maybe just two from CTT isn’t so bad.

Having not hugged the toilet between 8:30am and our 1pm start, however, I decided to give the race my best effort. I still vividly recall the words endeared unto me by Dear-ol’-Dad, “I didn’t raise a quitter!” It’s worth pointing out, though, that unfortunately for poor-ailing-iamtedking the race begins with a three kilometer categorized climb straight from the starting gate. Sure that’s not long, but when literally meter one is uphill, I’m allowed to be unhappy given my circumstances.

You can probably guess where the story goes from here… Start gun fires, attacks straightaway, all the barfing early this morning took the snap out of my legs, kilometer two is in sight and I’m forced to abruptly find the side of the road and yak again. Yup, time to pull the plug. I’m now a DNF instead of the DNS that I figured I would be around 6:00 this morning.

On the bright side, since Poppa didn’t raise no quitter, I’m now able to see parts of the race I don’t see from the sidelines, like the small army of people who set up the finishing banners, barriers, swag for sale, and autograph seekers already posting up besides our team buses three hours before the race will conclude.

Typed on my phone.

Supdogs?

My zeal for coffee is considerably more than yours. Some readers might simply agree with that statement while others of you are bound to put up a stink. My recommendation is to just take it as fact and let’s move on, because that’s not the point I’m getting at here. I have long been considering what it would take to produce a boutique and remarkably delicious signature iamtedking branded coffee. Naturally, it would be a dark roast, created in small batches so as to produce the finest, unctuous coffees and espressos available to mankind… besides of course the coffee that people worldwide lust over that have been pooped out of the cute Asian Palm Civet.

The problem with that, however, is that it’s been done. It’s predictable. It’s hackneyed. It’s very 2008. (Not to say I won’t do it, because in truth I really want to.)

Teduardo Chavez's Fine Worldly Coffees & Beaneries

So what next?

I’m pretty pumped on the iamnottedking stickers and shirts being produced. I give them both a nine point five for execution and – more so the stickers – a check-plus for originality. So high five to myself and CutawayClothing.com for making that a reality.

But I’m not content with complacency, so again I ask, what next?

I’m seriously thinking about wine. Okay, truth be told I’m well far away from making the iamtedking-wine-pipe-dream a reality (…hey, any wine makers out there want to chime in here?! Seriously, email me at heisTedKing at gmail is you have any sorts of leads here). However the wine industry is something I’d love to eventually segue into, so at least I have the gears in motion, right? Right.

Now for the third time, although now I remove the rhetorical nature of the question and pose it quite seriously, what do YOU think I should make? I want it to be something I’m passionate about or something I love (peanut butter comes to mind, but these guys beat me to the punch to combine maple with PB).

Ideas? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?