…sucks dirt, that is. And various other pieces of sand, hair, grime, and home dander.

Yup, I got me a brand spankin’ new vacuum cleaner thanks to the fine people at Bissell! Truly, she’s a thing of beauty with unparalleled sucking power, a sleek comfortable ergonimical handle, a very stylish light blue color scheme accented with shades of gray, plus much more.

What really blows me away is how it compares to the previous Bissell that I found and adopted from my Grandmother’s house and took with me to Asheville. That previous model - probably about a decade old - got the job done just fine, but pales in comparison to the current Healthy Home Vacuum. Basically, it looks like they took the previous model, gave it a gym membership, and told it to get massive. It also has characteristics that make it look like the Terminator - kind of muscular and robotic looking. For in-home safety reasons, it obviously runs on electricity… but can you tell it really wants to be a diesel.

Here they are head to head:

 The new one’s on the right. It’s easy to pick out between the two, being that it’s taller, wider, has smoother lines, and some wicked features, like the TurboBrush, Multi-Cyclonic System, a Telescoping Crevice Tool, and the Microban Anti-Microbial Protection. Sweet!

 Check out the rims on this beast. They’re sixes, yo! Makes the older model’s threes look just plain sad. I definitely like the wheels a lot, but I might take it to the shop and put some spinners on for extra bling.

 No comparison shot of both vacuums here, but that’s a 15 inch wide sucking path. Really gives you a sense of power. I’ve never driven a bulldozer, but I imagine it’s the same sort of feeling.

It arrived the day after I’d used the older model to clean the apartment. I could hardly contain my excitement and had to immediately take the new one out for a whirl. What’s crazy is that I took an already clean apartment, and was still able to yank two inches of dirt out of the rug. No lie.